שימוש באמצעי מניעה בין הריונות

I have been married for 10 years and have 5 children, 2 boys and 3 girls, my youngest is almost two years old.

early in our marriage we realised that my wife can become pregnant very quickly after each birth, (after our second child was born my wife became pregnant after 2 months although she was nursing). We asked a shalo after the 3rd birth and were told that unless there is a health risk any contraception is forbidden. The Rav also spoke in a harsh manner to my wife and this has resulted in her refusing to ask any further shaalos. Contrary to the instructions of the Rav we used contraceptive pills between both the third and fourth pregnancies as my wife did not feel that she could stand becoming pregnant again so soon after each birth.

After the 5th child was born I refused to continue using contraception unless we received a heter. However due to the terrible experiance with the first Rav my wife refused to ask a shaaloh, I did not feel that I could ask as I would not be able to adequetely explain why my wife feels the way she does. I also knew that even if a Rov told us not to use contraception my wife is not ready to become pregnant and so it seemed pointless to ask unless we would defianately listen.

This has lead to sholom bayis problems for the last 2 years and has lead to much worse aveyros such as zoreah bachutz. I feel that my marriage has lost its kedusha. At this point I realise that I made a terrible mistake being stubborn but I do not feel i can approach a Rav personally as after 2 years I am badly ashamed. I am therefore turning to you anonymously for help on what to do.