Romy (now 44) has been going through IVF for the past 2 years – unsuccessfully, though twice she did manage to get pregnant, both times very short-lived. She has one more year to continue, according to the guidelines set out by Maccabi (or the Health Ministry), and she fully intends to keep trying. She had been under the care of team at Assuta (Drs./Profs. Zeidman, Shulman, Schiff, & Elitzur), but in recent months, she switched to Dr. Eda Amudai in Raanana who is personally monitoring her situation far closer than had been with the Assuta team. She is confident that she is in good hands. Under Dr. Amudai's care, a thyroid imbalance was discovered and treated, as was a very unpleasant case of Asherman's syndrome (adhesions throughout the uterus) – both, successfully.
As for Guy, he was seen by a Dr. Madjar, a Maccabi doctor in Ramat Aviv. At present the thought is that Romy's eggs – at 44 – are the main issue. I'm not in a position to know, but it isn't unlikely. Nonetheless, I know nothing about this doctor.
They have decided to keep trying the IVF for as long as they can, but parallel to that, they have now decided to look into adoption. And here I'm at a complete loss as to how to advise them. I would be grateful for any advice or direction you can share, which I would immediately pass on to them to proceed. I needn't tell you how much we are all aching. It's all that Romy talks about. And though she tries to keep a brave face, it pains me to see the disappointment in her eyes when a protocol fails – something only a mother can see.
Thank you, Rabbi David, for any enlightenment you can provide.
The point of the dilemma is not clear.
There is no medical or halachic reason to rule out adoption alongside with fertility treatments. In fact, in certain situations, adoption can contribute to the success of the treatments. You need to clarify and discuss with them what their potential concerns are.